The following essay is written by Emmy's older sister. Growing up alongside her has shaped how she approaches uncertainty and has shown what balance means in her own life.
People often say life is a roller coaster-fast, thrilling, unpredictable. Mine feels more like a seesaw, always tipping up or down depending on forces I can't control. For most high schoolers, balance means juggling school, sports, and friends. For me, it means living each day in the unknown of what might happen with my sister, Emmy.
Some mornings or nights might begin or end with sirens. I've watched my parents rush my sister, Emmy, to the emergency room more times than I can count. She was born with special needs. She is non-verbal, has a feeding tube, trach, a day nurse, and a night nurse, as she requires round-the-clock care. One day, I can be a sobbing mess as I watch my parents take Emmy to the emergency room. The next, I can go to school, laugh with my friends, do my schoolwork, and be an average senior in high school. Although I can go to school and act like everything is fine, deep down, I feel guilty for being able to go to school and laugh with my friends. I am constantly worrying a bout Emmy when she is in the hospital. Everything is out of my control. There are many emotions that I deal with, but most of them are not shown to the public eye.
Emmy has been in and out of the PICU since she was born. We live our lives in a constant fear of the unknown and what lies ahead, but we don't let that consume us. We go to school, we go to work, we show up for others when they need us, and we don't let this stop us from living. We find balance. I remind myself that it is okay to laugh and smile with my friends, despite what is happening at home. It is also totally normal to be sad at school and feel for my sister, who is hooked up to all types of tubes and machines.
Finding the balance is similar to the idea of a seesaw. When I let the emotions take over they go up, as I go all the way down, but the days that I choose to not let the feelings take over, I go up and live my life as I was made to. That doesn't mean that I don't ever feel the emotions when I take the reins of the seesaw. I spend my life finding the balance between the two.
Although I am Emmy's older sister, she has taught me more than I ever could have imagined. Being Emmy's sister has given me a kind of strength I didn't know I needed-the strength to sit in the unknown and still choose joy. I find joy in watching others succeed because I know what it feels like when Emmy accomplishes even the smallest task. I find joy when everyone is included, even if one person might be different. I find joy in the little moments because Emmy has taught me how not take anything for granted. I find joy in finding balance in my life.
From the outside perspective, my life is just like everyone else's. Everyone is scared of the unknown. No one would ever know some of the choices I have had to make in my 17 years of life, but I wouldn't change anything. Everyone is trying to find balance in life. Mine just happens to be on a seesaw, always in motion, always teaching me how to rise.